Empowering Yourself Through Forgiveness

Of great significance, my journey, as well as some deep soul searching has allowed me to get my inner-self in order and be able to share the wisdom I have gained. Life is clearly about choices, but sometimes our choices steer us off course and it takes longer to reach our goals. Either way we eventually make it there. That being said, many relationships never fully develop or they fail to thrive because a vast number of people find it very difficult to communicate with the people they love, which is in addition to the fact that we get disappointed and hurt and find it hard to forgive. As in my case, my past also consists of me having found it very difficult at times to show affection, even when the feelings of adoration were present. I am assuming this is because I did not receive the nurturing from my father that I desired. Therefore, it was hard for me to show affection in relationships because I did not have it growing up. In adult relationships, building and nurturing healthy love relationships that are meaningful require the people involved to be able to be conscious of their feelings, along with a willingness to express them. Other tips for maintaining a successful relationship include being able to FORGIVE and not hold grudges, using body language that effectively communicates what is not spoken, having a sense of humor and not being so serious all the time, and being capable of managing stress.

To continue, for better or for worse, attachment bonds are as unique as each individual. Being exposed to emotionally available caretakers while growing up will greatly influence the attachment relationships as an adult. I too believe that environments filled with shared joy, calmness, FORGIVENESS, and emotional communication will shape abilities to feel safe in relationships as adults. Balanced emotions, as well as experience with comfort and security help to create positive relationships. Making sense of our lives and creating positive expectations for out intimate relationships are greatly contributed to our first attachment bonds. There are many attachment styles which may have results in the adult characteristics experienced by many people. As an example, the attachment styles I have gained knowledge of include: Secure, Avoidant, Ambivalent, Disorganized, and Reactive. Of course, a secure attachment style will most likely result in adult characteristics that are able to sustain meaningful relationships, but that does not mean that all the other styles are a recipe for failure in adult relationships either. The other styles only make known the areas that may need to be addressed to have a deeper emotional bond with someone. To a certain extent, I was emotionally unavailable myself for most of my life.

Growing spiritually and acknowledging my liberation from my past hurts and disappointments allowed me to forgive not only the people who caused me pain, but it also allowed me to forgive myself. I had to forgive myself for being my own worst enemy and criticizing myself more than I approved of myself. To the point, I have been hurt both emotionally and physically by people I have let into my life, but God has shown me that none of us are exempt from the trials and tribulations of life. I am just so thankful that I was able to remove myself and move on from those situations. All of us are human and life happens.

At the end of the day forgiveness was so significant to finding the peace for my life’s troubling situations. Allowing forgiveness to manifest in our lives allows God to work His will and the healing we need for our hurtful situations. Additionally, God commands us to forgive. When we choose to forgive others, we are freeing our own selves from the power of sin. For this reason, forgiveness does not only bring change in a person’s life, but it also gives them the victory over defeat. Truly, the importance of forgiving others can be found in the bible in the following verses”

Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Proverbs 20:22 (NIV)
Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

Matthew 5:44-45 (NIV)
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Matthew 6:9-15 (NIV)
This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Luke 6:35-38; 42 (NIV)
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”... How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Luke 7:47-48 (NIV)
Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

Luke 23:34 (NIV)
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Luke 24:46-47 (NIV)
He told them, "This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.

Acts 10:43 (NIV)
All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name."

Acts 26:17-18 (NIV)
I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them 18 to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.'

Hebrews 10:16-23 (NIV)
This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds. “Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin. Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

As far as my personal life goes, I am continually moving forward with purpose. All the disappointments, setbacks, and criticism have only been stepping stones to the great possibilities within me. Twenty years ago, at the age of 16, I would have never imagined being where I am today and experiencing all the things I have. Still, there is nothing I would change about my journey. Forgiveness and learning how to be content with where I was in life have given me the victory over my circumstances. There have been many people I have had to forgive and I am certain that as long as I rise each morning there will continue to be people I need to forgive. Forgiveness is imperative to living a pleasing and peaceful life. So forgive always and love those who love you, as well as the ones who you feel do not deserve your love.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahatma Gandhi

Peace and Blessings,

Kai (kay)